He Just Needs A Hug
by Cheez Socks
Summary: In an attempt to be the hero of Middleearth and have Legolas fall for her, MarySue tried to show Sauron the error of his ways.


**He Just Needs a Hug**

_Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings._

Oo

Mary-Sue was walking around picking flowers. Mary-Sue was picking flowers because flowers are pretty, and she likes pretty things, since she is also pretty. But flowers look like wilted pieces of crap next to her and her immense beauty. But she still liked flowers, anyways.

Now, Mary-Sue was a nice girl. She tried to find the best in everyone and she liked to give everyone a chance. Some would say she had a heart of gold… some would say she was an annoying bratty, twerp—it's your call.

"La, la, la, la," Mary-Sue sang as she picked flowers. Mary-Sue was happy. She decided to try and make others happy.

After a brief moment of thinking (three weeks), Mary-Sue had an idea. She would make Sauron happy! Yes, that was it! If she did that, she would also be the hero of Middle-earth, and everyone would love her—including Legolas. Then they would live happily ever after together!

Now, being a Sue, Mary-Sue possessed many magical (also called 'magikal!1!') powers that she could use to help herself. In a second, she was at the top of Barad-Dûr.

"Hi, mister evil plants," she said, giggling in a disgusting, high-pitched way.

The Eye of Sauron said nothing, being an eye and all. Unfortunately, Mary-Sue didn't put this together.

"Fine, be a meanie, don't talk to me." She pouted a revolting, disgusting, Mary-Sue pout.

If it had had an eyebrow, the Eye of Sauron would have looked rather cross.

"What is going on?" demanded the Mouth of Sauron, rushing to the top of Barad-Dûr. "Who are you? Do you realize how early in the morning it is?"

The Eye of Sauron turned and looked directly at him.

"I mean—I don't sleep! No, no, no sleeping for me…" He sighed and the Eye of Sauron rolled up in exasperation. "What do you want?"

"You're icky!" deduced Mary-Sue. Oh yes, beauty, intelligence, _and_ a sharp wit in that one.

"This is going to be a long day…" muttered the Mouth of Sauron. "I know I'm icky, but why are you here?"

Now, you may be asking at this point: why haven't they killed Mary-Sue. But in truth, they know how powerful a weapon she can be. With one shriek of her voice, the members of the fellowship (especially the better-looking ones) will scatter. With one look into her eyes, many will fall into epileptic seizures by their rapidly-changing colours.

And that, my friends, is why she was not killed instantly.

"Would you be interested in journeying with the Fellowship of the Ring?" asked the Mouth of Sauron.

For a moment Mary-Sue's face lit up, but then it took an expression of determination.

"No," she said. "I am going to make Sauron happy and then save the world. I will make him see the error of his ways!"

"Error of… what are you talking about? Do you know how long… do you even know who…" he stopped to take a breath. And while he was at it he took a few to calm himself down. "What is _wrong_ with you?"

"Nothing," Mary-Sue insisted, planting her hands on her hips. "I am perfectly perfect!"

The Eye of Sauron rolled once more. Now would have been one of those times that it would have been cool if it had had laser beam eyes. Burning her hair off wouldn't kill her.

"I know how to cheer you up," Mary-Sue said, smiling. "You just need hugs—you first, mister smelly man!" She smiled and hugged the Mouth of Sauron.

"Let go of me!" it demanded, pushing her away.

"Fine," Mary-Sue huffed, pouting. "But watch when I save the world and everyone loves me and no one likes you!" She turned to hug the Eye of Sauron.

When she it touched she burnt to a crisp… and all that remained of Mary-Sue was a small pile of ashes.

"Well…" the Mouth of Sauron said. "There goes _that_ plan to destroy the Fellowship. No matter, another one will no doubt pop up soon enough.

Oo

Okay, very short, I know! But I just found it on my computer, and decided to post it, even though it's been months since I've written it. And again, as always, I appreciate all feedback, be it good or bad.

Until later!


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